The Disney Dream: Kids Clubs

You hear great things about Disney Cruise Line and all the cheesy sayings like, "There's something for everyone!" and the planning videos show pictures of relaxed adults being served fruity drinks with umbrellas in them at the pool and the little one's are splashing around in Mickey's pool and everyone is smiling and laughing and you think..."YEAH RIGHT". Well...I hate to burst your bubble of negativity...but cruising with Disney is pretty much exactly like it seems....perfect!

Let's be brutally honest here...the parks are great but for the vacation planners in the family (that's probably you Moms of the world!) it's not the ideal vacation for us. There is only so far magic can take you before frustration, exhaustion and heat take their toll and bring your family to their melting point, usually on the curb along Mainstreet U.S.A. (anyone else refer to parade time as the "3:00 meltdown"?)

If you're ready for a TRUE vacation experience, your chariot awaits...step aboard a Disney Cruise! We took my 10 year old step-son on his first cruise on the Disney Dream. We have never cruised with a child before and were nervous. Quite honestly we were thinking, "but what about the adult pool....we love the adult pool!!!" We were worried that he would be sea-sick, that he would be bored, that he wouldn't like cruising, etc etc etc. OOOh how the truth smacked us in the face!

It doesn't matter how many people you've heard rave about the kids programs on Disney Cruise Line...you always think your child will be the exception to the rule-that they will be the one who doesn't like it and will ruin everyone's trip by their adamant protesting. You're wrong. I've come to the realization it's not about our kids...it's about us. We aren't really worried they won't like it, we're worried how we'll feel when they'll gladly choose a stranger in a yellow shirt and blue pants over us...who clothe and feed and worry about them constantly. I won't lie...it kind of stings when they look at you and say, "don't come back before 1am" but sometime between the antipasto platter and your first glass of wine at Palo, you honestly stop caring!

Parents...this is for you. Here are the top 5 things Disney Cruise Line will never tell you about your kids:

1. You no longer exist. The minute your kids enter the Oceaneer's Club and Lab you no longer exist. You might as well walk the plank, they won't ask for you, they won't look for you...they will pretend they don't know you when you come to pick them up. You have officially become chopped liver--insert salt in wound now--. 
2. They have more fun than we do-The adults areas are great, there are night clubs and entertainment, bars and lounges, quiet pools etc but let's be serious...we may pretend to enjoy sipping a glass of fine wine but we'd really rather be making our own flubber in the lab. 
3. The hand washing stations are FUN!-The automatic hand washing stations on the Disney Dream (and soon the Disney Fantasy) are so much fun, your kids will actually repeatedly wash their hands. Yes...you read that correctly, your children will CHOOSE to wash their hands. The machine is automatic, you put one hand in each hole and a mixture of soap and water literally power washes the germs off their little fingers. It's completely automatic and starts when you put your hands in and stops when its time to take them out. 
4. The counselors are way cooler than you'll ever be: They wear blue pants and bright yellow shirts and they are young and cool and are from foreign countries. They are everything we'll never be. They are fun and patient and live to serve the kids and they make magic. They make life an adventure everyday and don't give homework, basically they are heroes and you are a villain.
5. They see you coming and run and hide: "Oh, I didn't see you!" is a complete lie. Don't fall for it. Your kids see you coming...they sense when evil has entered their presence and they run and hide behind the heroes. When you go to pick them up, they will find themselves lost in a crowd of children who are exactly their size and age, good luck picking yours out of the bunch. Don't expect help from any of the bystanders either...they're all in on it. It's a huge conspiracy to avoid the parents and play longer and no one will break the "kid code" and tattle! 

I'm sorry parents but that is the truth about the kids clubs, from my first hand experience. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's my job to prepare you for your vacation and sometimes that means saying the hard things. Don't worry...there are plenty of fruity drinks with umbrellas and quiet places where you can drown your sorrows.